The Black Lens I

Though my whole blog is in the perspective of a black woman, I want to dedicate a series of posts towards my struggles, triumphs, and everything in between. I need to do this because when I was doing my research before applying, during the application process, and after, there wasn't  much out there specifically about being Black Peace Corps Volunteer.  Our experiences needs to be documented not only for personal reasons but for those out there that wonder how the Peace Corps experience is for those who are not white. It would be doing a disservice to all those who have served within Peace Corps to act as though my experience is the same as my white counterpart. We have different challenges that deserve to be heard and addressed. I hope all People of Color (POC) will do the same so our perspectives are heard across the globe.

Before coming to Rwanda, I lived in Duluth, MN. This city is known as the last city in America to lynch black folks. In Duluth, there is a memorial called the Clayton Jackson McGhee Memorial which is dedicated to the  3 innocent black men who were falsely accused of raping a white woman. The night before their trial, a mob of white folks stormed the prison and lynched all 3 black men. It was later found that the men, who were violently murdered, were innocent. I give this background because I want you to understand the climate of were I lived for the past 5 years. Though this incident was in the past, the impact and mentality still lives on in the city I called home. While living in Duluth I dealt with overt racism, subtle bias, micro-aggressions and I survived. I did not thrive, but I survived... I can say that I have lived in a hostile environment for all of my adult life. I have always been one of the few black folks in every room I found myself in, on every street I walked on, and every place I worked. I have always been made to feel uncomfortable whether this was on purpose or not, it doesn't matter because the impact was all the same; I have rarely felt safe. When I looked into the statistics concerning diversity of Peace Corps Volunteers I found that only 22% are Volunteers of Color. With that discovery, I began to mentally prepare myself for what I knew would be another hard experience. Even though I lived my entire life as a Person of Color in an environment I never felt like I could be myself, it still did not prepare me for what I would face as a Black Peace Corps Volunteer. 

*Disclaimer* I am speaking from my personal experience. I do not speak for all Black folks in Peace Corps, so People of Color who are reading this please do not let this series scare you from joining. Know that every experience is different and me voicing my experience is about spreading awareness. 

The day I arrived in Philadelphia for staging (staging  is where you get to know your cohort before you embark on a 27 month journey) was when I realized just how hard this experience would be for me.  At this introductory event we briefly went over cultural differences, our itinerary, and what to expect the first week. During the introduction we were asked to tell the group something funny that we brought. Everyone stood up and said something slightly ridiculous that was in their luggage (I said my cast iron ^_^ shout out to my dear friend Weezy for the cutest cast iron on the planet!) A fellow white Peace Corps Trainee (PCT) stood up and said they brought their stuffed elephant that they named Kunta Kinte. For those who do not know; Kunta Kinte is a character in the book turned movie called The Roots. Kunta Kinte was a person who was enslaved during the period of slavery in America. He was kidnapped, tortured, and whipped. Though Kunta Kinte is a fictional character, he represented the hundreds of thousands of humans who were kidnapped and dehumanized by white people during the time of slavery in America. When my fellow PCT said this  I felt as though I had been slapped across the face, because not only did no one intervene and call attention to how disrespectful that comment was a majority of people in the room laughed. They laughed as though enslaving and whipping a person, and cutting off their foot was some type of hilarious joke. I looked at the room of mainly white volunteers and could not feel anything other than numbness. At that very moment I had to make a decision if I was going to walk out of the room or just let it go. I did neither I sat there completely hurt, completely in shock but I did not let it go.

Everyday since staging I have thought about this comment and how everyone in the room was a bystander. This is just ONE moment out of so many, that people in my cohort have made me question if I can continue with my service. It is frustrating letting ignorant comments go, it is tiring to always have to teach someone why their ignorance offends me but I am still here. I chose to continue my service for a number of reasons but the main one is because I know this is exactly where I need to be. This is MY service. I can not let anyone's ignorance deter me from my goals but I also know I will suffer in silence. I know this comment may have been innocent, at least I hope so, but it doesn't diminish how it made me feel. How so many times people make light of slavery in America and its affects on the Black population/population of color. How so many times people are bystanders when it comes to Black folks' pain and how it always comes down to us to raise attention to things that are not right. My advice to Black folks and people of color, create a support group during Pre Service Training (PST) so that when times like this happen (they will) you have people you can process with and create a plan of action from there. Understand that you are not alone and that every feeling you have IS VALID even if you can't explain it. Also understand that Peace Corps has staff for you to consult with when times like this happen, do not hold it in. Tell them what is going on so they can take necessary steps. Being in a foreign country as an American of color already comes with a set of its own challenges I will address in another post, but on top of that constantly having to put up with insensitive, racist remarks from other Trainees/Volunteers is more than what I/you have signed up for. Know that staff is in place to address these challenges because you can not do it alone and in order for you to complete your service you need support from your organization. Know that it is not your job to educate other trainees/volunteers on their own ignorance and it is especially not your job to do it in a way that is comfortable for the person that has offended you. 

To trainees and volunteers of color: KOMERA (stay strong). Your presence is invaluable. By you being in whichever country you are in, you show the people what American diversity looks like. You are necessary, and I am here rooting for you.

 Stay tuned, I am just getting started. 

XO  Dedekated

Site Visit: Rulindo Living.

I am currently writing you all from a beautiful sector called Masoro in the District of Rulindo. It is located about an hour north from Kigali up a monstrous hill that showcases why Rwanda is called the land of 1,000 hills. After a Harry Potter style site placement announcement, I was ecstatic to learn that my permanent site will be in a cooler, rainier district about 2 hours away from the volcanoes, gorillas, and Lake Kivu. This makes beach weekend getaways not only possible, but mandatory since I will be heading to Gisenyi for a regional meeting this Friday. Do yourself a favor and Google Gisenyi, or follow me on Instagram, it is absolutely stunning. Being from Minnesota, and especially after living in Duluth for 6 years, God definitely blessed me with a climate I can deal with for 2 years. Though I won't be living in Masoro until December, every volunteer goes to their new community for a week to visit, introduce themselves, and begin to develop an action plan with the Headmistress/Headmaster of their school. My assignment will be working with primary school students, this is equivalent to elementary school in America, and training teachers to increase their English communication skills. This assignment is a pilot program as it is the first year Peace Corps will be working in primary schools and focusing on teacher training as requested by the Rwandan Education Board (REB).

A main reason I appreciate Peace Corps, is that it only goes to countries it has been invited to by the respective government. As I talked about in my last post, I am more on the cynical side of International Development because so far it has shown to do more harm then actually repair. A critical reason is because too many times NGO's, nonprofits, and other organizations with good intentions (I assume) go into over-exploited countries and assume they have the answers to all their problems. This is not how Peace Corps approaches development. Peace Corps understands that we do not have the answers but the people do and we come (only when invited) to exchange skills and facilitate learning on both sides.

Enough about the serious stuff, I do want to tell you how much I am enjoying my site visit! I have an extraordinary Headmistress who has made every effort to make me feel welcome in the school and community. In the community there is a Catholic Church, a priests' house, an orphanage (run by  nuns), and the school I will be working at called G.S. Masoro. G.S Masoro is a well equipped school with computers, an art room, and a music room all donated by Kate Spade, random right?  My Headmistress arranged for me to stay with the Priests and they have fed me things I was starting to miss like cheese and peanut butter. So, I am one happy American right now :-)

SYesterday I went to the District Office of Rulindo to introduce myself to the Mayor and other officials and talk about my anticipated projects. Going to the District Office, waiting to speak to the officials and traveling back to site literally took me all day. By the time I got back to site all I could do was stuff my face with umuceri (rice), ibishimbo (beans), ni fritti (fried potato wedges), avoca, and isoupu (broth based soup) and lay around in bed. Traveling in this country is definitely something I will need to get use to, which I have no problem because I get to take a motorcycle some of the way. My village/town is about 15 mins from the main road so I get to take a moto ride wearing the badass helmet that Peace Corps gave to me. My moto ride is pretty incredible since it down/up a giant hill that gives me a gorgeous view of the hills and I Snapchat while the umushoferi (driver) wonders what the hell is this muzungu (foreigner) doing.

Today I went to school, which was a delightful 5 minute walk and introduced myself to the teachers and students. Everyone is so excited to have me and learn English it is a bit daunting. Being new in the community I got a ton of stares and personal questions. In Rwandan culture it is perfectly acceptable to ask, “Are you married? How old are you? Do you have children? Why is your haircut like a black man? If you are from America, why is your skin Black like mine?” All questions I was asked right after, “What is your name?” LOL. I smile and answer which follows with another series of questions.

Since my last post was so long and heavy I wanted to make this a bit lighter but next post I plan on writing more on my personal experience as a Black volunteer, **spoiler alert** it is not easy but I can say living in Duluth has prepared me for this situation... until next time folks! 

xo Dedekated

P.S. Add me on Snapchat to follow my experience --> Mare_Bizzle