Thank you all for
continuing this journey with me. I have been at my site a little less
than a month and transitioning from the strict schedule of PST to
trying to fill my day has been an emotional roller-coaster. I cannot
lie: the stress of PST has been lifted since being in my own space.
Being around 46 other people every day for the past 3 months was
completely draining, and November was like the last week of finals
when you are a senior and you're just ready to be done and move on.
Being an introvert (someone who
recharges through alone time) was a reason for my stress overload,
but also because I am a conscious Black Woman who takes race,
language, privilege, and gender very seriously. As I talked about in
my last post, a fellow white PCV made an incredibly insensitive
racial joke; many have asked what has happened since then. Every
incident, whether a micro-aggression or overt racial discrimination,
left a tiny cut on my psyche. Though the pain may be caused by a
slight remark, without healing, and many more incidents afterward, I
was left with a giant scar. Racism and Anti-Blackness are embedded in
each and every single one of us, and this includes People of Color.
This mentality is a result of colonization, slavery, and media
representation. It is important to note that there are no quick fixes
to this kind of mindset.
To make the long story short, the other
Volunteers of Color in my group and I were invited to attend a
committee meeting by the group, Ndi UmunyAmerika. This translates to
“I am American.” Many Volunteers of Color have had incidents
where Rwandans have questioned or even rejected them as American
because they are not white. That reminds me of a quote by Toni
Morrison: “In this country, American means white. Everybody else
has to hyphenate.” People of Color in America are given these
generalized designations like “African-American or “Asian-American”
and only white Americans are simply considered “American.”
Because of this, when abroad People of Color are not accepted as
being just “American.” Though I am speaking on the experience
here in Rwanda, this is a global mindset. Ndi UmunyAmerika was
created by two Peace Corps Volunteers, Helina Haile and Ciara Renae,
as a support system for Volunteers of Color who have experienced
these sorts of incidents (plus some even more troubling) here in
Rwanda.
The Ndi UmunyAmerika meeting consisted
of two parts: the first was in the morning when we all sat down with
our Country Director, Jen Hedrick, to discuss the goals and
objectives of the group and to share our stories. When each person
shared an experience they had had with either a local, a fellow
volunteer, or even a staff member; the room became heavy. Our Country
Director was shocked to hear all that we have been going through. She
expressed that she had no idea and that she wanted to be part of the
solution. She encouraged us to come up with concrete steps to move
forward. One solution we presented was to have her presence at a
diversity session. We felt that if she was there during a session,
volunteers would take the information and problems more seriously.
These sessions are facilitated by Ndi UmunyAmerika members. Another
role of this committee is to develop trainings so that each Peace
Corps cohort will hopefully have the knowledge to be better
allies to Volunteers of Color and become more aware of how their
words and actions might affect others, so that future Volunteers of
Color will not have to go through the same struggles we did.
The second part of the meeting was more
like a support group with only Volunteers. We share intimate details
about ourselves, discussed issues within our respective cohorts, and
just built up a supportive atmosphere. To say I was filled with
gratitude would be an understatement. By the end of the meeting, I
found the strength to continue through PST. This is why safe spaces
are needed for People of Color: no matter where else we go, people
will try to tear us down. For me, spaces such as these are where I
seek and find the energy to exist amongst the hate and ignorance.
Because of the supportive space created by Ndi UmunyAmerika and the
support of my amazing friends (S/O to Nicole, Alexx and Faith!), I
was able to swear in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer.
Now here I am, a single Black,
Nigerian-American Woman beginning her service in the Northern region
of Rwanda. My site is both a city and village and being here has already been an eye opening
experience, not only for me but also for my community members. I have
experienced the range of reactions when I say I am American: from
amazement, to questions like, “If you are American, why are you
Black like me?” and even straight up rejection and the whole “You
are a liar” bit. It makes me think back to when I was applying to
Peace Corps.
During my video interview, when I was
being considered for this position, my interviewer stressed that
Volunteers of Color have a much harder time because locals do not see
them as a “real Americans” and therefore do not view us as
credible. My interviewer asked how I would deal with the stress from
that. I answered with honesty, telling him that I have been Black my
whole life and that the very place I call home already treats me as
an outsider because of my skin color, so I know how to survive in
these conditions. My answer still is true, but if I were to be asked
this question again, I would have my own follow up question: “What
resources does Peace Corps have to support me through these
circumstances?” The more I grow in my journey of self-identity, I
come to realize that it is far time for People of Color to stop
dealing with these issues themselves and to start holding the systems
we exist in responsible. It is far past time that we start asking
questions like, “What training does staff go through to address
racial issues?” “If another volunteer were to say something
racist, what steps will be taken?” “If a staff member were to be
discriminatory towards Black Volunteers, what are the repercussions?”
Race, privilege, and gender should not be a one-time workshop given
to people after they have already secured their positions of
authority. Treating People of Color with respect and dignity is not a
one-time lesson, because anti-Blackness and racism is so deeply
rooted in us all that it is a long and demanding process to even
begin to untangle. Expectations should be addressed within the
interview, otherwise systematic racism will prevail.
People/Volunteers of Color need more to be done; it is not right that
we not only deal with the stress of being in a foreign country, away
from family, friends and loved ones, but also deal with people within
our own cohort making racist comments and jokes or blatant
discrimination from staff members with no repercussions.
Organizational cultures need to support People of Color and this
means taking direct actions when they are racial attacked.
As the beginning
of the new of the year is here, I am all too aware of the new set of
hurdles that I will face, but I am more than ready to tackle them
with the support of my wonderful friends, Ndi UmunyAmerika, and Peace
Corps Rwanda. I stress with the support of Peace Corps Rwanda because
during our committee meeting I was made aware that some Peace Corps
countries do not allow racial and ethnic support groups like this to
exist because
the Peace Corps Director in that country “does not see race as a
problem here.”Though I am not usually surprised by the ignorance of
folks, I cannot believe that some Volunteers of Color have to fight
with their Country Director to create a support group. Would that
comment, “It is not a problem here,” be said if it were a women's
or a religious group? We must stop belittling the effects racism have
on People of Color and start taking proactive steps to support our
Volunteers of Color simply because we are humans and deserve respect,
dignity, and the freedom to be ourselves.
