Before coming to Rwanda, I lived in Duluth, MN. This city is known as the last city in America to lynch black folks. In Duluth, there is a memorial called the Clayton Jackson McGhee Memorial which is dedicated to the 3 innocent black men who were falsely accused of raping a white woman. The night before their trial, a mob of white folks stormed the prison and lynched all 3 black men. It was later found that the men, who were violently murdered, were innocent. I give this background because I want you to understand the climate of were I lived for the past 5 years. Though this incident was in the past, the impact and mentality still lives on in the city I called home. While living in Duluth I dealt with overt racism, subtle bias, micro-aggressions and I survived. I did not thrive, but I survived... I can say that I have lived in a hostile environment for all of my adult life. I have always been one of the few black folks in every room I found myself in, on every street I walked on, and every place I worked. I have always been made to feel uncomfortable whether this was on purpose or not, it doesn't matter because the impact was all the same; I have rarely felt safe. When I looked into the statistics concerning diversity of Peace Corps Volunteers I found that only 22% are Volunteers of Color. With that discovery, I began to mentally prepare myself for what I knew would be another hard experience. Even though I lived my entire life as a Person of Color in an environment I never felt like I could be myself, it still did not prepare me for what I would face as a Black Peace Corps Volunteer.
*Disclaimer* I am speaking from my personal experience. I do not speak for all Black folks in Peace Corps, so People of Color who are reading this please do not let this series scare you from joining. Know that every experience is different and me voicing my experience is about spreading awareness.
The day I arrived in Philadelphia for staging (staging is where you get to know your cohort before you embark on a 27 month journey) was when I realized just how hard this experience would be for me. At this introductory event we briefly went over cultural differences, our itinerary, and what to expect the first week. During the introduction we were asked to tell the group something funny that we brought. Everyone stood up and said something slightly ridiculous that was in their luggage (I said my cast iron ^_^ shout out to my dear friend Weezy for the cutest cast iron on the planet!) A fellow white Peace Corps Trainee (PCT) stood up and said they brought their stuffed elephant that they named Kunta Kinte. For those who do not know; Kunta Kinte is a character in the book turned movie called The Roots. Kunta Kinte was a person who was enslaved during the period of slavery in America. He was kidnapped, tortured, and whipped. Though Kunta Kinte is a fictional character, he represented the hundreds of thousands of humans who were kidnapped and dehumanized by white people during the time of slavery in America. When my fellow PCT said this I felt as though I had been slapped across the face, because not only did no one intervene and call attention to how disrespectful that comment was a majority of people in the room laughed. They laughed as though enslaving and whipping a person, and cutting off their foot was some type of hilarious joke. I looked at the room of mainly white volunteers and could not feel anything other than numbness. At that very moment I had to make a decision if I was going to walk out of the room or just let it go. I did neither I sat there completely hurt, completely in shock but I did not let it go.
Everyday since staging I have thought about this comment and how everyone in the room was a bystander. This is just ONE moment out of so many, that people in my cohort have made me question if I can continue with my service. It is frustrating letting ignorant comments go, it is tiring to always have to teach someone why their ignorance offends me but I am still here. I chose to continue my service for a number of reasons but the main one is because I know this is exactly where I need to be. This is MY service. I can not let anyone's ignorance deter me from my goals but I also know I will suffer in silence. I know this comment may have been innocent, at least I hope so, but it doesn't diminish how it made me feel. How so many times people make light of slavery in America and its affects on the Black population/population of color. How so many times people are bystanders when it comes to Black folks' pain and how it always comes down to us to raise attention to things that are not right. My advice to Black folks and people of color, create a support group during Pre Service Training (PST) so that when times like this happen (they will) you have people you can process with and create a plan of action from there. Understand that you are not alone and that every feeling you have IS VALID even if you can't explain it. Also understand that Peace Corps has staff for you to consult with when times like this happen, do not hold it in. Tell them what is going on so they can take necessary steps. Being in a foreign country as an American of color already comes with a set of its own challenges I will address in another post, but on top of that constantly having to put up with insensitive, racist remarks from other Trainees/Volunteers is more than what I/you have signed up for. Know that staff is in place to address these challenges because you can not do it alone and in order for you to complete your service you need support from your organization. Know that it is not your job to educate other trainees/volunteers on their own ignorance and it is especially not your job to do it in a way that is comfortable for the person that has offended you.
Everyday since staging I have thought about this comment and how everyone in the room was a bystander. This is just ONE moment out of so many, that people in my cohort have made me question if I can continue with my service. It is frustrating letting ignorant comments go, it is tiring to always have to teach someone why their ignorance offends me but I am still here. I chose to continue my service for a number of reasons but the main one is because I know this is exactly where I need to be. This is MY service. I can not let anyone's ignorance deter me from my goals but I also know I will suffer in silence. I know this comment may have been innocent, at least I hope so, but it doesn't diminish how it made me feel. How so many times people make light of slavery in America and its affects on the Black population/population of color. How so many times people are bystanders when it comes to Black folks' pain and how it always comes down to us to raise attention to things that are not right. My advice to Black folks and people of color, create a support group during Pre Service Training (PST) so that when times like this happen (they will) you have people you can process with and create a plan of action from there. Understand that you are not alone and that every feeling you have IS VALID even if you can't explain it. Also understand that Peace Corps has staff for you to consult with when times like this happen, do not hold it in. Tell them what is going on so they can take necessary steps. Being in a foreign country as an American of color already comes with a set of its own challenges I will address in another post, but on top of that constantly having to put up with insensitive, racist remarks from other Trainees/Volunteers is more than what I/you have signed up for. Know that staff is in place to address these challenges because you can not do it alone and in order for you to complete your service you need support from your organization. Know that it is not your job to educate other trainees/volunteers on their own ignorance and it is especially not your job to do it in a way that is comfortable for the person that has offended you.
To trainees and volunteers of color: KOMERA (stay strong). Your presence is invaluable. By you being in whichever country you are in, you show the people what American diversity looks like. You are necessary, and I am here rooting for you.
Stay tuned, I am just getting started.
Stay tuned, I am just getting started.
XO Dedekated
