From Lake Superior to Lake Kivu

As I swam in the cool lake bordering the Democratic Republic of the Congo, I looked at the volcanoes surrounding me. A goofy grin plastered across my face and I let the moment sink in. Yo, I thought to myself, I am in Lake Kivu! Just a year ago I was swimming in Lake Superior in Duluth, Minnesota. If you ever took a dip in this icy Great Lake, you would know that swimming in Lake Superior isn't really swimming, well not for me. The water is so cold that my legs start to go numb after a minute or so. The only time I welcome the mind-numbing water is on one of Duluth's rare sun scorching days. Not only could I actually swim in the warm waters of Lake Kivu, I could bask in the moment reminiscing.

When I first learned I was selected for the Rwandan Education Program, I can't lie, I thought I would be roughing it in a village with no electricity, no running water, and no friends, but, in reality, living in Rwanda has been pretty great so far. Now I'm not going to sugar coat things; washing clothes by hand, cooking on an imbambura (charcoal stove), bathing with a bucket, and using a latrine hasn't been the easiest thing in the world, but it certainly wasn't as hard as I imagined. I remember one day I finally had my amakara (charcoal) delivered and I was so excited to finally be able to cook myself a meal, something that brought me joy and comfort in America. My friends knew me as the person in the group who would go to the farmers' market on the weekend to buy up all the heirloom tomatoes I could carry so I could make salsa and gift them to friends and family. If I wasn't at the farmers' market buying up pesto or learning about a new hybrid vegetable, I would joyously spend my time cooking whatever creation I made up that day. Who knew once I moved to Rwanda it would take me well over two weeks to simply boil water to make rice. The day I had my amakara delivered I was ready to reclaim my inner chef, so I assembled all my tools: imbambura, amakara, matches, sticks and paper, and then I set to work building a fire to cook some rice… long story short, it didn't happen that night, or the next, or the next, or the next! Every day that I tried and failed, I felt a little worse. How in the world was I going to feed myself?! Well, I am so blessed to have wonderful neighbors who saw me struggling and helped me countless times. I was also immensely grateful for a man named Kiza. Kiza is the Fathers' chef and he took me under his wing and taught me the culinary world of Rwandan food. Every night, I brought my tools and ingredients, and Top Chef Kiza showed me how to make incredible dishes, which is a whole other post. Every time we cooked together, he even surprised me with treats that he wanted me to try. Without Kiza or my wonderful neighbors, I would be eating amandazi (similar to doughnuts) and sambusas (triangular shaped dough stuffed with meat and/or potatoes with onions and hot peppers) every night. It's my fault though, I didn't take the “lighting the imbambura” part of PST seriously enough.

Speaking of PST, I remember a time when I was bathing at night, something I loved doing back home. In the States, when hot running water was always at my disposal, showering at night was my way of unwinding. When I lived in Duluth and my roommate was away (shout out to Courtney!), I would light my favorite incense, frankincense, play some Erykah Badu, light some candles, and treat myself to a steamy Epsom salt bath with a plethora of essential oils. I would try to read in the bathtub, but most of the time I would just sit there soaking in the warmth and enjoying my alone time. In Rwamagana, my host family's bathroom facilities were outside, separate from the house, no bathtub, just a cement space and a tin roof. That night I was scrubbing away, covered in soap, when I heard something scuffle on the tin roof above me. I looked up and saw a lizard scurry across. Nta kibzao (No problem/worries), I thought to myself, lizards are chill. I continued scrub-a-dub-dubbing away, whistling a little tune, and then I heard another scuffle. I looked up again, thinking I was going to see my new friend, Ms. Lizzy (I thought of that cool name while whistling), but nope, instead of Ms. Lizzy, I saw Mr. Rat. Mr. Rat was chasing Ms. Lizzy right above my naked body covered in soap. When I tell you I screamed bloody murder… if it wasn't for the soap covering my body I would have ran out that bathroom completely naked. My host mama (who was outside talking with a guest at the time) ran over and shouted, “Shewa! Iki (What)?!” I shouted back, while crouched in the furthest corner of the bathroom, “Maaaammaaaa!! Imbeba (Rat)!!” By this time, my host sisters crowded around the bathroom to see what all the fuss was about. When they heard my reasoning, everyone let out a hearty laugh and walked away. I made it out alive though.

Each of these moments, whether failing to light my stove or learning that my one year old sister can chase a rat away for me, left me feeling so useless, but now that I know that I am supported, I feel stronger than ever. Now, that I have mastered the art of lighting and cooking on an imbambura and though I am still afraid of rats, I know that I can handle it. Not only did my neighbors help me in my time of need, I know that I am completely capable of working with the hand that I have been dealt because I am exactly where I want to be. While swimming in Lake Kivu, which is only a 4 hour bus ride from my site, I realized that I am here, now, living my dream and I should accept and embrace every moment. Who would have thought a year ago, while I was swimming in Lake Superior in Duluth, Minnesota, that the following year I would have this very moment in Lake Kivu in Gisenyi, Rwanda?

Black Lens II

Thank you all for continuing this journey with me. I have been at my site a little less than a month and transitioning from the strict schedule of PST to trying to fill my day has been an emotional roller-coaster. I cannot lie: the stress of PST has been lifted since being in my own space. Being around 46 other people every day for the past 3 months was completely draining, and November was like the last week of finals when you are a senior and you're just ready to be done and move on.

Being an introvert (someone who recharges through alone time) was a reason for my stress overload, but also because I am a conscious Black Woman who takes race, language, privilege, and gender very seriously. As I talked about in my last post, a fellow white PCV made an incredibly insensitive racial joke; many have asked what has happened since then. Every incident, whether a micro-aggression or overt racial discrimination, left a tiny cut on my psyche. Though the pain may be caused by a slight remark, without healing, and many more incidents afterward, I was left with a giant scar. Racism and Anti-Blackness are embedded in each and every single one of us, and this includes People of Color. This mentality is a result of colonization, slavery, and media representation. It is important to note that there are no quick fixes to this kind of mindset.

To make the long story short, the other Volunteers of Color in my group and I were invited to attend a committee meeting by the group, Ndi UmunyAmerika. This translates to “I am American.” Many Volunteers of Color have had incidents where Rwandans have questioned or even rejected them as American because they are not white. That reminds me of a quote by Toni Morrison: “In this country, American means white. Everybody else has to hyphenate.” People of Color in America are given these generalized designations like “African-American or “Asian-American” and only white Americans are simply considered “American.” Because of this, when abroad People of Color are not accepted as being just “American.” Though I am speaking on the experience here in Rwanda, this is a global mindset. Ndi UmunyAmerika was created by two Peace Corps Volunteers, Helina Haile and Ciara Renae, as a support system for Volunteers of Color who have experienced these sorts of incidents (plus some even more troubling) here in Rwanda.

The Ndi UmunyAmerika meeting consisted of two parts: the first was in the morning when we all sat down with our Country Director, Jen Hedrick, to discuss the goals and objectives of the group and to share our stories. When each person shared an experience they had had with either a local, a fellow volunteer, or even a staff member; the room became heavy. Our Country Director was shocked to hear all that we have been going through. She expressed that she had no idea and that she wanted to be part of the solution. She encouraged us to come up with concrete steps to move forward. One solution we presented was to have her presence at a diversity session. We felt that if she was there during a session, volunteers would take the information and problems more seriously. These sessions are facilitated by Ndi UmunyAmerika members. Another role of this committee is to develop trainings so that each Peace Corps cohort will hopefully have the knowledge to be better allies to Volunteers of Color and become more aware of how their words and actions might affect others, so that future Volunteers of Color will not have to go through the same struggles we did.

The second part of the meeting was more like a support group with only Volunteers. We share intimate details about ourselves, discussed issues within our respective cohorts, and just built up a supportive atmosphere. To say I was filled with gratitude would be an understatement. By the end of the meeting, I found the strength to continue through PST. This is why safe spaces are needed for People of Color: no matter where else we go, people will try to tear us down. For me, spaces such as these are where I seek and find the energy to exist amongst the hate and ignorance. Because of the supportive space created by Ndi UmunyAmerika and the support of my amazing friends (S/O to Nicole, Alexx and Faith!), I was able to swear in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer.

Now here I am, a single Black, Nigerian-American Woman beginning her service in the Northern region of Rwanda. My site is both a city and village and being here has already been an eye opening experience, not only for me but also for my community members. I have experienced the range of reactions when I say I am American: from amazement, to questions like, “If you are American, why are you Black like me?” and even straight up rejection and the whole “You are a liar” bit. It makes me think back to when I was applying to Peace Corps.

During my video interview, when I was being considered for this position, my interviewer stressed that Volunteers of Color have a much harder time because locals do not see them as a “real Americans” and therefore do not view us as credible. My interviewer asked how I would deal with the stress from that. I answered with honesty, telling him that I have been Black my whole life and that the very place I call home already treats me as an outsider because of my skin color, so I know how to survive in these conditions. My answer still is true, but if I were to be asked this question again, I would have my own follow up question: “What resources does Peace Corps have to support me through these circumstances?” The more I grow in my journey of self-identity, I come to realize that it is far time for People of Color to stop dealing with these issues themselves and to start holding the systems we exist in responsible. It is far past time that we start asking questions like, “What training does staff go through to address racial issues?” “If another volunteer were to say something racist, what steps will be taken?” “If a staff member were to be discriminatory towards Black Volunteers, what are the repercussions?” Race, privilege, and gender should not be a one-time workshop given to people after they have already secured their positions of authority. Treating People of Color with respect and dignity is not a one-time lesson, because anti-Blackness and racism is so deeply rooted in us all that it is a long and demanding process to even begin to untangle. Expectations should be addressed within the interview, otherwise systematic racism will prevail. People/Volunteers of Color need more to be done; it is not right that we not only deal with the stress of being in a foreign country, away from family, friends and loved ones, but also deal with people within our own cohort making racist comments and jokes or blatant discrimination from staff members with no repercussions. Organizational cultures need to support People of Color and this means taking direct actions when they are racial attacked.

As the beginning of the new of the year is here, I am all too aware of the new set of hurdles that I will face, but I am more than ready to tackle them with the support of my wonderful friends, Ndi UmunyAmerika, and Peace Corps Rwanda. I stress with the support of Peace Corps Rwanda because during our committee meeting I was made aware that some Peace Corps countries do not allow racial and ethnic support groups like this to exist because the Peace Corps Director in that country “does not see race as a problem here.”Though I am not usually surprised by the ignorance of folks, I cannot believe that some Volunteers of Color have to fight with their Country Director to create a support group. Would that comment, “It is not a problem here,” be said if it were a women's or a religious group? We must stop belittling the effects racism have on People of Color and start taking proactive steps to support our Volunteers of Color simply because we are humans and deserve respect, dignity, and the freedom to be ourselves.

Buri Munsi Umunsi Wose

Currently, I am writing you from the living room of Father Stephano, Father Leopold, and Father Gabriel. They are my spiritual advisers, landlords, and best friends since moving to my permanent site. I cannot lie: when I heard I would be living next to a Catholic Church and the priests, I was not excited. I thought the area was going to be overtly religious and boring... quite the opposite in fact. Masoro sector, within Rullindo District, is a beautiful marriage between a village and a city. Less than an hour Northwest from Kigali, Masoro has been influenced by the urban area, but also maintains its village-ness. Though it has only been a week since I arrived from Pre-Service Training (PST), I can already feel that I will love this place. With the help of my Headmistress (Principal of G.S. Masoro) and the Fathers, I have been meeting great people and discovering phenomenal places to shop, eat, and hang out. 

My absolute favorite place so far is Heavenly Palace, about a 15 minute moto ride and 10 minute twege ride from my village. A twege is a popular slang term used by PCVs for a small bus that people SQUEEZE into; it makes for an uncomfortable ride. Nonetheless, it gets you from point A to point B for the low low, so who am I to complain... back to Heavenly Palace. This outdoor restaurant/bar/nightclub-on-the-weekends earns its name. It has 3 staggered levels with a showcase of cool lights and tiny cove-like booths on the main floor and a space for dancing on the bottom floor during weekends. Father Leopold surprised me with this detour on our return from a productive trip to Kigali so that I could buy a water basin; water isn't always consistent in my area, so it is necessary to have a place to store water. Interesting fact in Rwanda: when a Rwandan invites you out, it means that they are paying for everything ~hits the nae nae~ This was a cultural difference stressed during our PST: “Remember, if you invite someone to accompany you to a bar or restaurant, make sure you are ready to pay for their meal/drinks or be sure to specify whether your invitation is American or Rwandan.”

When I sat down, Father Leopold asked me what I wanted to drink. I said, “I'll just get a Fanta.” Father Leopold quickly responded with a shocked look, “Nooo, no, I want to buy you a beer.” The Fathers and I go through this weekly; they appreciate a stiff drink. I remember last Sunday, I asked Father Stephano if I could get him some water (“Urashaka amazi?”). Father Stephano answered, “Ahh no, we don't drink water on Sundays.” Me: “What do we drink?” Father Stephano: “For example, beer, wine, liquor...”  I believe you get a good picture of my new besties; they enjoy the turn up. I answered Leopold's request to buy me some type of liquor by saying, “Hmmm do you think they have wine?” Father Leopold stuck his finger in the air and said, “Very good! Waiter bring us inzoga (beer) and divayi (wine)! For the next hour and a half, Father Leopold and I gazed at the beautiful scenery of Kigali lights and the rolling hills of Rwanda and enjoyed our new found friendship, me drinking a dry red wine of some sort and him enjoying his beer of choice, Mutzig. He also ordered us a plate of grilled plantain and stewed beef. As I ate, drank, and enjoyed the company of Father Leopold, I kept thinking they named this fine establishment well.

Today, I will be walking around my village meeting the members of my new community: introducing myself, describing what Peace Corps is, and explaining what I will be doing here and for how long, all in Kinyarwanda! Well, mostly. I could not be more grateful for the heavy emphasis on language classes during PST. Language is truly the best integration tool, that and a good attitude, of course. This will, loosely, be my “all day, everyday” (Buri Munsi Umunsi Wose) schedule until February when school begins. I am excited to begin this journey with an amazing community, a determined Headmistress, and the coolest priests I have ever known. Three months are officially down (Happy 3 month Anniversary to all my fellow PCVs!), twenty four months to go.

XO Dedekated In Rwanda

The Black Lens I

Though my whole blog is in the perspective of a black woman, I want to dedicate a series of posts towards my struggles, triumphs, and everything in between. I need to do this because when I was doing my research before applying, during the application process, and after, there wasn't  much out there specifically about being Black Peace Corps Volunteer.  Our experiences needs to be documented not only for personal reasons but for those out there that wonder how the Peace Corps experience is for those who are not white. It would be doing a disservice to all those who have served within Peace Corps to act as though my experience is the same as my white counterpart. We have different challenges that deserve to be heard and addressed. I hope all People of Color (POC) will do the same so our perspectives are heard across the globe.

Before coming to Rwanda, I lived in Duluth, MN. This city is known as the last city in America to lynch black folks. In Duluth, there is a memorial called the Clayton Jackson McGhee Memorial which is dedicated to the  3 innocent black men who were falsely accused of raping a white woman. The night before their trial, a mob of white folks stormed the prison and lynched all 3 black men. It was later found that the men, who were violently murdered, were innocent. I give this background because I want you to understand the climate of were I lived for the past 5 years. Though this incident was in the past, the impact and mentality still lives on in the city I called home. While living in Duluth I dealt with overt racism, subtle bias, micro-aggressions and I survived. I did not thrive, but I survived... I can say that I have lived in a hostile environment for all of my adult life. I have always been one of the few black folks in every room I found myself in, on every street I walked on, and every place I worked. I have always been made to feel uncomfortable whether this was on purpose or not, it doesn't matter because the impact was all the same; I have rarely felt safe. When I looked into the statistics concerning diversity of Peace Corps Volunteers I found that only 22% are Volunteers of Color. With that discovery, I began to mentally prepare myself for what I knew would be another hard experience. Even though I lived my entire life as a Person of Color in an environment I never felt like I could be myself, it still did not prepare me for what I would face as a Black Peace Corps Volunteer. 

*Disclaimer* I am speaking from my personal experience. I do not speak for all Black folks in Peace Corps, so People of Color who are reading this please do not let this series scare you from joining. Know that every experience is different and me voicing my experience is about spreading awareness. 

The day I arrived in Philadelphia for staging (staging  is where you get to know your cohort before you embark on a 27 month journey) was when I realized just how hard this experience would be for me.  At this introductory event we briefly went over cultural differences, our itinerary, and what to expect the first week. During the introduction we were asked to tell the group something funny that we brought. Everyone stood up and said something slightly ridiculous that was in their luggage (I said my cast iron ^_^ shout out to my dear friend Weezy for the cutest cast iron on the planet!) A fellow white Peace Corps Trainee (PCT) stood up and said they brought their stuffed elephant that they named Kunta Kinte. For those who do not know; Kunta Kinte is a character in the book turned movie called The Roots. Kunta Kinte was a person who was enslaved during the period of slavery in America. He was kidnapped, tortured, and whipped. Though Kunta Kinte is a fictional character, he represented the hundreds of thousands of humans who were kidnapped and dehumanized by white people during the time of slavery in America. When my fellow PCT said this  I felt as though I had been slapped across the face, because not only did no one intervene and call attention to how disrespectful that comment was a majority of people in the room laughed. They laughed as though enslaving and whipping a person, and cutting off their foot was some type of hilarious joke. I looked at the room of mainly white volunteers and could not feel anything other than numbness. At that very moment I had to make a decision if I was going to walk out of the room or just let it go. I did neither I sat there completely hurt, completely in shock but I did not let it go.

Everyday since staging I have thought about this comment and how everyone in the room was a bystander. This is just ONE moment out of so many, that people in my cohort have made me question if I can continue with my service. It is frustrating letting ignorant comments go, it is tiring to always have to teach someone why their ignorance offends me but I am still here. I chose to continue my service for a number of reasons but the main one is because I know this is exactly where I need to be. This is MY service. I can not let anyone's ignorance deter me from my goals but I also know I will suffer in silence. I know this comment may have been innocent, at least I hope so, but it doesn't diminish how it made me feel. How so many times people make light of slavery in America and its affects on the Black population/population of color. How so many times people are bystanders when it comes to Black folks' pain and how it always comes down to us to raise attention to things that are not right. My advice to Black folks and people of color, create a support group during Pre Service Training (PST) so that when times like this happen (they will) you have people you can process with and create a plan of action from there. Understand that you are not alone and that every feeling you have IS VALID even if you can't explain it. Also understand that Peace Corps has staff for you to consult with when times like this happen, do not hold it in. Tell them what is going on so they can take necessary steps. Being in a foreign country as an American of color already comes with a set of its own challenges I will address in another post, but on top of that constantly having to put up with insensitive, racist remarks from other Trainees/Volunteers is more than what I/you have signed up for. Know that staff is in place to address these challenges because you can not do it alone and in order for you to complete your service you need support from your organization. Know that it is not your job to educate other trainees/volunteers on their own ignorance and it is especially not your job to do it in a way that is comfortable for the person that has offended you. 

To trainees and volunteers of color: KOMERA (stay strong). Your presence is invaluable. By you being in whichever country you are in, you show the people what American diversity looks like. You are necessary, and I am here rooting for you.

 Stay tuned, I am just getting started. 

XO  Dedekated

Site Visit: Rulindo Living.

I am currently writing you all from a beautiful sector called Masoro in the District of Rulindo. It is located about an hour north from Kigali up a monstrous hill that showcases why Rwanda is called the land of 1,000 hills. After a Harry Potter style site placement announcement, I was ecstatic to learn that my permanent site will be in a cooler, rainier district about 2 hours away from the volcanoes, gorillas, and Lake Kivu. This makes beach weekend getaways not only possible, but mandatory since I will be heading to Gisenyi for a regional meeting this Friday. Do yourself a favor and Google Gisenyi, or follow me on Instagram, it is absolutely stunning. Being from Minnesota, and especially after living in Duluth for 6 years, God definitely blessed me with a climate I can deal with for 2 years. Though I won't be living in Masoro until December, every volunteer goes to their new community for a week to visit, introduce themselves, and begin to develop an action plan with the Headmistress/Headmaster of their school. My assignment will be working with primary school students, this is equivalent to elementary school in America, and training teachers to increase their English communication skills. This assignment is a pilot program as it is the first year Peace Corps will be working in primary schools and focusing on teacher training as requested by the Rwandan Education Board (REB).

A main reason I appreciate Peace Corps, is that it only goes to countries it has been invited to by the respective government. As I talked about in my last post, I am more on the cynical side of International Development because so far it has shown to do more harm then actually repair. A critical reason is because too many times NGO's, nonprofits, and other organizations with good intentions (I assume) go into over-exploited countries and assume they have the answers to all their problems. This is not how Peace Corps approaches development. Peace Corps understands that we do not have the answers but the people do and we come (only when invited) to exchange skills and facilitate learning on both sides.

Enough about the serious stuff, I do want to tell you how much I am enjoying my site visit! I have an extraordinary Headmistress who has made every effort to make me feel welcome in the school and community. In the community there is a Catholic Church, a priests' house, an orphanage (run by  nuns), and the school I will be working at called G.S. Masoro. G.S Masoro is a well equipped school with computers, an art room, and a music room all donated by Kate Spade, random right?  My Headmistress arranged for me to stay with the Priests and they have fed me things I was starting to miss like cheese and peanut butter. So, I am one happy American right now :-)

SYesterday I went to the District Office of Rulindo to introduce myself to the Mayor and other officials and talk about my anticipated projects. Going to the District Office, waiting to speak to the officials and traveling back to site literally took me all day. By the time I got back to site all I could do was stuff my face with umuceri (rice), ibishimbo (beans), ni fritti (fried potato wedges), avoca, and isoupu (broth based soup) and lay around in bed. Traveling in this country is definitely something I will need to get use to, which I have no problem because I get to take a motorcycle some of the way. My village/town is about 15 mins from the main road so I get to take a moto ride wearing the badass helmet that Peace Corps gave to me. My moto ride is pretty incredible since it down/up a giant hill that gives me a gorgeous view of the hills and I Snapchat while the umushoferi (driver) wonders what the hell is this muzungu (foreigner) doing.

Today I went to school, which was a delightful 5 minute walk and introduced myself to the teachers and students. Everyone is so excited to have me and learn English it is a bit daunting. Being new in the community I got a ton of stares and personal questions. In Rwandan culture it is perfectly acceptable to ask, “Are you married? How old are you? Do you have children? Why is your haircut like a black man? If you are from America, why is your skin Black like mine?” All questions I was asked right after, “What is your name?” LOL. I smile and answer which follows with another series of questions.

Since my last post was so long and heavy I wanted to make this a bit lighter but next post I plan on writing more on my personal experience as a Black volunteer, **spoiler alert** it is not easy but I can say living in Duluth has prepared me for this situation... until next time folks! 

xo Dedekated

P.S. Add me on Snapchat to follow my experience --> Mare_Bizzle 

Muraho!

Muraho is a greeting in Kinyarwanda (local language) used when you are meeting someone for the first time or when you have not seen someone in awhile.

Though I have only been in country for a little over a week it honestly feels like a month; I have gone through many transitions in such a short span of time and I finally feel like I am starting to adjust . For those interested in learning more about how Peace Corps Staging to Pre-Service Training (PST) works I will outline these transitions.

Before leaving for Rwanda all those that were accepted into the Education Program met in Philadelphia for Staging. This is basically a time for basic introductions into the Peace Corps rules and expectations, the itinerary of our long journey, a time to send final paperwork for student loans, receive our new passports, and just a way for all the volunteers to meet and socialize before we leave the states. The last night I definitely treated myself to some delicious cheesy, bacony pizza, a cocktail and time alone to reflect on my new chapter!

The next morning we got on a bus and left for JFK airport and then, off we were! After one layover in Brussels, we landed in Kigali, went through customs (with ease might I add!) we walked into the beautiful city of Kigali. We were met by some amazing Volunteer Assistant Trainers (VATs) and the Country Director, Jen Hedrick. They greeted us and quickly put us (and all of our luggage) in buses to a glorious hotel called, Champion Hotel. The hotel staff and VATs were so helpful with getting our luggage out and to our rooms (I was especially worried since I came with three checked bags and two carry-ons...I like to be prepared!) After finding our rooms we had a quick introduction to the VATs (who are incredible, shout out to Cass and Talibah) Country Director and the Director of Programming and Training, Brian Dwyer. We were given our first set of Malaria medicine, huge bottles of water, a light meal and thankfully sent to bed to get some much needed rest! But not for long; the next morning we had a full day beginning with a scrumptious breakfast beginning at 7am. The next two days in Kigali were for the important stuff like, introducing us to the some basics about Rwandan culture, medicine and shots, setting up our bank accounts, getting phones etc. There was no time to explore especially because of how tired I was but Champion Hotel had a bar at the top level and the karaoke was jamming both nights!

From Kigali we were bused to the District of Ramagana; this is where all of our PST is being held. It is about 1.5 hours away from Kigali. Upon arrival a trainee reception (technically we are not volunteers yet, but Peace Corps Trainees) was held. This is where we met the rest of the Peace Corps Rwanda Staff and our host families! At the reception we were given some basics like a water filter, bucket, jerrycan, mosquito net, and drinking water for the first few days. I cannot lie, I was extremely nervous about meeting my host family. I have heard stories of some black volunteers not being welcomed by their host families because the families had expectations that all Americans are white. This is a sad truth. So when I heard my name called at the reception, a million thoughts ran through my head, “Were they told in advance that I was black? Will they see me as an American? Will they treat me with respect?” When my host dad came to greet me with a big smile and giant hug I felt at ease and thankful. I knew that my experience with my host family was going to be positive. As soon as we sat down to chat he showed me pictures of his past two host daughters and one was black! The smile that spread across my face! The most previous volunteer that stayed with him was one of our current VATs who is an incredible black woman named Cass. Her presence was so welcoming, especially for my first week. She was there to comfort, validate, and answer my many questions. I could not have been more grateful to have Cass there and to be placed with her host family who are absolutely lovely. There is my host Papa and Mama, and four younger sisters; ages 11, 7, 3, and 1. They are all silly and high energy which makes for unexpected nights like singing and dancing sessions after dinner. Currently, they are begging me to play games with them and I keep answering with my limited kinyarwanda, “Ndashaka Kwiga/I want to study” which does not seem to be a good enough reason for them hahaha.

My day to day life in Ramagana is quite long and tedious but I am grateful for everyday. From my four hour language classes at 8am to today's conversation with Brian Dwyer about Peace Corps approach to development which ended at 530pm. I find myself learning more about Rwanda and her culture in the first week than I could have even fathomed.

One thing that I find difficult, and is a sentiment shared by other black trainees in my program and volunteers everywhere, is that it has been difficult to sit in a room where white folks talk about how hard it is for them being stared at, judged, laughed at etc. and not make direct parallels to the black experience in the United States of America. I cannot sympathize because black folks are stared at, judged more harshly, and feel like an outsider in the very place we call home. Being in Rwanda we are stared at just as much and still have to face challenges like the one I described above like not being seen as American because we are not white. I thought I would be able to blend in quite seamlessly but that is not the case. I will be posting more on the black experience as a PCT and in Rwanda throughout my time here, so stay tuned!

For today's training we had an open conversation about International Development and Peace Corps approach to development, which is a hot topic of mine. I am a bit cynical about the role of International Development, particularly after reading Dead Aid by Moyo Dambisa. So, why would a person who is cynical about development sign up for the Peace Corps might you ask, well for me it comes down to approach. Peace Corps is only in countries it has been invited to and then they partner with the country to create a framework to address the needs the country sees fit. This is a critical component to real development; partnering with a country and not “helping”. The shift in language is necessary to me because most people in the states tend to overlook the reason why America and other western countries are seen as developed is because it stole and exploited from the African continent and other developing nations. We cannot have a real conversation about aid if we turn a blind eye to history and the facts. It is imperative we take this wholeheartedly and come into developing nations with humility ie there is no room or place for the white savior mindset!

Well people, that is about all I got from about 10 days in Rwandan. Sidenote my 25^th birthday is coming up {on the 29^th to be specific!} I am excited to turn a quarter of a century outside of the states! I am living well, eating delicious chapatis, brochettes, passion fruits and avocados, and studying Kinyarwanda with all my might. My goal is to post two times a month so be sure to subscribe and stay up to date with my adventures :-) You can also follow my Instagram: Dedekated and Snapchat: Mare_Bizzle for other ways to see what I am up to, thank you for reading and Ijoro ryiza (Good night!)

xo Dedekated